In reading about trusted computing and censorship, I came across The Fishman Affidavit, which exposes a lot of documents concerning the upper levels of Scientology. Naturally, the Church of Scientology wants the information suppressed, but after almost 10 years of litigation, was ultimately unsuccessful. Fascinating and disturbing, it even includes Hubbard implying that Jesus was a homosexual and pedophile (in a passage that the Church itself first claimed a forgery, then asserted copyright ownership of): “the historic Jesus was not nearly the sainted figure [sic] has been made out to be. In addition to being a lover of young boys and men, he was given to uncontrollable bursts of temper and hatred”. Alrighty then…

Ah, The Onion: Christian Juggler Regrets Years Wasted As Secular Juggler.

Also, don’t miss the interview with Stephen Colbert on the A.V. Club.

Next installment in my religious WTF series: Scripture Candy. Their motto: “Reaching the world one piece at a time!” Thus ends the long standing debate, What (Candy) Would Jesus Eat?

Holy shit, I thought Pat Robertson had flipped when he called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez,

“If he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it … It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don’t think any oil shipments will stop.”

which Chavez humorously dismissed with offers of medical and fuel aid to the U.S. poor,

“The level of poverty in the United States also worries us. We offer not only to cover 6 million people with medical care over the next ten years, but to train over 200,000 doctors over the 10 years.”

and for which Robertson later offered a half-assed “apology”.

“I didn’t say ‘assassination.’ I said our special forces should ‘take him out.’ And ‘take him out’ can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time.”

Riiiight… [I also enjoyed William F. Buckley’s editorial on the matter, including a look at the U.S. government’s involvement with assassination of foreign leaders in the past.]

But apparently Robertson was only warming up, because now he has publicly claimed that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing its anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year’s Emmy Awards.

“By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath. Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”

Wow. If that weren’t enough, apparently the 9/11 attacks are Ellen’s fault too.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards. America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”

Well, if Robertson is right, things don’t look good for America. A recent study indicates that more women are experimenting with bisexuality than a decade ago, paving the way for even more lesbian celebrities.

The Onion has delivered yet another breakthrough story in scientific news, Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory:

“Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, ‘God’ if you will, is pushing them down,” said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

In other religious news, the NY Times reports that city health officials are questioning a circumcision ritual after a baby died of herpes.

“This is a very delicate area, so to speak,” said Health Commissioner Thomas R. Frieden.

The practice is known as oral suction, or in Hebrew, metzitzah b’peh: after removing the foreskin of the penis, the practitioner, or mohel, sucks the blood from the wound to clean it.

Um, yeah, and here I thought hospital circumcision was gross and stupid. At least I learned the Hebrew for “baby penis blood sucking”.

Speaking of insanity, I was watching the “It puts the lotion in the basket” video again when decided to browse elsewhere on Transbuddha and ran across the Smart Stick Adventure 2 game. It’s super fun!

“The Slimming Swimmer”

The prayers of the religious fundamentalist and the frumpy beachgoer alike have now been answered by WholesomeWear, “modest clothing for wearers”. Whether it be church camp, fat camp, or church fat camp, they’ve got you covered — and I mean covered!

Gone are the days of being dragged to the bottom of the lake by heavy, woolen full-body swimwear (except for witch trials, where wool and drowning are still encouraged). With WholesomeWear, it’s space-age fabric meets dark-age sensibilities! For example, the Culotte Swimmer features a “body fitting undergarment made of Spandex for maximum flexibility”, while a “looser fitting taslan scoop-necked romper outer garment gives a stylish modest look.”

Holy Santorum, I just found out that I missed Justice Sunday II - God Save the United States and This Honorable Court! In case you’re not up on your hate-breeding Religious Right insanity, “Justice Sunday II is a follow-up broadcast to Justice Sunday - Stopping the Filibuster Against People of Faith”, or in other words, a meritless spin campaign against the last resort for preventing a massive unilateral Republican assault on our federal judiciary.

JSII was conducted by our theocratic betters at the Family Research Council, who have generously provided us with Marriage: One Man, One Woman (protectmarriage.org) (aka We Hate Gays and We Will Take Your Rights Away One By One) and The Center for Human Life and Bioethics (aka The Center for Overturning Roe v. Wade and Stopping Embryonic Stem Cell Research). protectmarriage.org supports protectmarriage.com, “the official website for the California Constitutional Marriage Amendment”, which judging from the phat rock on the woman’s finger on their home page, must also be supported by De Beers.